Monday, October 7, 2013

Zoe's Birth Stories - Drug Free - Posterior Birth

be ready for my super long post ahead!! 

After 15 months of period free finally my "auntie" aka menstrual came and visit me (due to breastfeeding so my "auntie" no visit me for such a long time).. but after one round I missed my 2nd cycle and I start to feel nausea and so on.. so I told my hubby I have the weird feeling I might be pregnant.. and he said won't be.. but we still bought a pregnancy test to test it out!! Oh NO!!! I am pregnant again!!! This is a happy news to me.. but I wasn't really prepared for it.. we thought we had 2 will do.. but we still welcome and happy to have surprise from God!! Surprise from my baby saying Peekaboo!! :)


Then we calculate the EDD. doctor said my EDD will be 20 Sep 2013 or 23 Sep 2013.. again.. it was so near to my two elder kids birthday.. Both my son and daughter was born on 26 Sep 2009 and 2011. So this baby may and may not have the same birthday again!! but anyhow they will have very near birthday to each other.. and this is unplanned!! even for my 2nd daughter as also unplanned.. but her EDD was exactly same with her Gor Gor Marcus.. 

And once I know about my pregnancy this round I was calmer compared to my earlier two pregnancy.. I am not that stress and not that overly sensitive over my pregnancy.. I didn't go and visit my gyane every other week just to make sure my baby was doing good inside me.. I am really much calmer than before.. maybe because I have had two successful birth and healthy baby.. 

In months ago my pregnancy.. I know hynobirthing through Grace Tan.. when I attending her home birth as a second photographer.. and that day I met Wai Han.. and I witness an orgasmic and easy birth myself with my own eyes.. and I was deeply touched.. yeah really deeply touched inside my heart.. that's was amazing and really amused me!! 

When I as 4 mths pregnant with Zoe.. I received a call from Kai Xin.. and she invite me to be her birth photographer.. and as usual I said if I am free surely I will do for her.. and again I witnessed another home birth with my own eyes.. witness the joy of receiving their own baby.. and again it touched me deep down too!! 

In my mind, it seem like the above two birth are actually lining up for me from God.. he want me to have faith and to have trust on HIM, on myself, on my body, and my baby!! it actually give me a deep injection that I can do it too.. I can overcome my own phobia back in 2008 when I give birth to my first son (still birth) @ week 33 pregnant. I had the fear and and phobia through out my both earlier pregnancy.. and we went to induce on the dot when baby turn 38 weeks.. just to have peace of mind that baby out is better than staying inside.. this phobia and fear might stay within me forever if is not overcome!! somewhere inside me that no one else know.. the fear that I wouldn't want to face it.. 

One day during my pregnancy with Zoe, I decided to call Wai Han to check out her classes.. and she was actually kidding with me saying.. do I really need to attend her class. I already witness two practical sessions and also had 2 birth earlier on.. do I really need it?? this was the first question.. then her schedule was fully booked too.. she said she can't take me and suggest me to check out with other hynobirthing practitioners classes.. but I feel a bit reluctant to turn to other people.. I feel very comfortable with her.. so I didn't really check out other people classes.. then one day she message me again saying she might be able to take me in as all her classes will have one pair of attendees couldn't make it.. so it give me a space to join in the class but without sequence.. I am okay with that and I managed to attend 3 classes out of 5. and yes I still learn new things even though I have had 2 birth earlier. previously I know nothing about the medical terms and all.. and after attending I know our rights as a mother.. I know the procedure and pro and cons of all the medical procedures.. so with these knowledge I can made better informed decision than just blindly listen to whatever doctor tell me.. 

As my EDD drawing nearer and nearer.. The anxiety increase as doctor start advising me to induce my baby out.. saying I am higher risk compare to other mother with my history of my still birth.. and he start concerning about my water bag level decreasing as the reading from more than 10 to 9 then to 6.8.. and then saying from the ultrasound my baby size is small and doesn't increase much weight it stay put around 2.7kg for the past 3 ultrasound scan.. so he is throwing me all these cards and even mentioned about my STILL BIRTH!!! But, he didn't manage to change my mind of wanting a natural birth for this time.. as days past... it over my EDD already 20 Sept 2013 (the gestation date) but there is still not much labouring sign.. and doctor again saying and saying the same thing to me.. but he is not pushy.. he is telling me the possibility of the risk if I want to wait.. but I still decided to wait.. as to make him more comfy he want me to go back to hospital everyday to do CTG to monitor baby heartbeat and activity.. so I agreed and I am back to hospital everyday for it.. as this happened my hubby start loosing patient and he start to worry about me and my baby safety too.. as he listen to doctor advise and he think he has his point too~ which I agreed.. but I still prefer to wait.. and to let my baby to decide when she want to come out.. And I believe God has his own timing on everything too.. this really tested my patient.. my faith.. and my trust on everything!!! 

13 Sep 2013 - False Alarm - from 9pm onwards I feel surges every 15 mins.. then i went to sleep.. wake up at two from a surge.. then i try to time my surges.. and it was coming every 3-4 minutes interval and last about 1 min.. for 1 hour + monitoring.. I thought I am in labour already.. so get ready myself and go to take a shower and all.. after shower i tried to time the surges again.. then it slow down.. so at the end I went back to sleep.. it was a false alarm..

(the tracing I did on the false alarm that night!!)

From then onwards I have surges every now and then.. but nothing seem to be real!! 

18 Sep 2013 - (2 days to my EDD) - Doctor said still no sign of labour and advising me is better to induce my labour and showing all the cards I mentioned above.. but I didn't agree and he suggest to push the thing a little so the labour can start of its own by sweeping my membranes.. but I didn't agreed to it.. but due to my worry and I would like to know how far I am into labour too.. as I already have surges aka contraction for the past two weeks.. so I agreed to a Virginal Examination (VE) but I didn't allowed any sweeping and doctor agreed to it.. the VE said I am 2cm dilated.. but cervix is still far inside at the back.. so good news is i am dilating.. but seem still need more times to go.. after the visit doctor requested to do a CTG for 30 mins.. but they made me lying for monitoring for more than an hour.. this made me really worry.. as if there is something wrong with my baby?? why a normal 30 minutes CTG for anyone else.. but I need to be monitored for more than an hour.. and the nurse didn't give me a reason for the monitoring this long time.. as my baby is moving and I know my baby is doing good inside myself.. after CTG I went to toilet and I had a pink wee.. and I checked with Wai Han she said it might due to the VE done.. 

20 Sep 2013 - Water level dropped to 6.8, and doctor get even more worried and again suggesting the same thing again!!! Again CTG Scan!!! Then Doctor advise not to wait too long.. he still think to made me into labour NOW is better!! But, I decided to stick to my plan..


21 Sep 2013 - 9.30am as I went to toilet for poo... I realise something slip out from my vaginal.. and I checked it.. it is very thick transparent with brownish discharge and Wai Han confirm that is SHOW!! Yeah!! there is progress in labour!! I got a SHOW!! it make me happy and excited!!! 11.44am went toilet and keep seeing a little bit of show.. 

Went to hospital again for CTG scan.. but today instead lying on my back.. I request if I can lying on my side for the scan.. as I know I lying on side my baby will have less movement and more stable normally.. then mid wife came in and start lecturing me again.. saying my water level start getting lower.. from the monitoring my baby movement is lesser too.. (yeah I know lesser coz I ask to lying on my side.. I know my baby well!!!) and start to tell me is better for me to induce my labour NOW than waiting and again mentioned about my STILL BIRTH!!! @#!$!^%$@^# but I insist no.. I will see doctor and discuss!! so they let me go with my CTG scan result to doctor's clinic.. 

doctor said the same thing again.. but I told him I got SHOW!! mean is nearby already.. I would like to wait!! And while waiting to see doctor.. I already plan to go Mid Valley for walk walk walk to help my labour to progress~~ from the CTG and ultrasound scan we knew that my baby is doing very well inside me.. and the water level increase a little bit to 6.98 from the previous scan too.. so there is more reason for me to wait.. :) But, doc did another round of VE and actually sweep my membranes a little bit.. It was really painful.. I was holding my hubby hand so tightly and shouting NO NO NO!! 

It is mental disturbing to be keep reminded about my STILL BIRTH!! And I really hate it.. my this baby is healthy.. from all the CTG scan and also the check up and the movement inside me.. I can feel it myself.. she is a strong survival of all.. why keep reminding me about my STILL BIRTH???? 

22 Sep 2013 - 7.40am - I had another SHOW Bigger one!! thick transparent with Maroon colours discharge.. hubby wake up and told me wait and induce he think no different.. it make me feel helpless already!! please my labour and my baby.. please come to mama as soon as possible!! Hubby told me he just want me and baby to be safe.. ask me how he can support me and what's the limit?? I totally understand his concern and respect it too.. but I still prefer to wait.. and thanks to my dada to support me all the way till the end.. 

But the surges are more intense and also with show... meaning the labour is around the corner.. I want to wait.. I am trying everything to make it induce naturally!!! Be it pineapples juice.. enema.. papaya.. lots and lots of raspberry leave teas.. coconut juices.. drink lots of lots of water to keep hydrated my water bags.. sex.. orgasm.. walking and all.. I tried everything natural to induce my labour.. I really hope it comes naturally.. 

We went to hospital as usual.. for CTG monitoring.. again the result was good.. and doctor did another round of VE and said i am dilated 3cm++ but my cervix is ready and very soft.. can easily stretch to 6cm.. it is really a good news to me.. my labour is progressing.. and I requested to go home!! I don't want to wait in the hospital!!! 

Yipee!!! We plan to go shopping again and to walk and walk and walk to have my labour progress faster!! I walk walk walk and I bought myself a LV sling bag!! don't know why I got the urge to buy it finally.. as I always ng seh tak buy!! maybe I just want to motivate myself a bit??? yeah I know is excuse to buy a bag!! LOL.. :P and fitflop having sales!!! so I bought another pair of fitflop shoes too.. lol.. expensive shopping trip!! At around 6pm then we drive home.. 

Today whole day I don't have appetite to eat at all.. eat a little bit and feeling nausea and want to throw out.. again this is another sign of labour!! 

These sign made me happy!! 

8.30pm - I text Wai Han.. when I got surge I squat down.. Damn shiok the feeling!! 

11.47pm - try to time my surges - surges interval is 8 min and last about 1.4 mins

11.56pm - I did another round a enema to clear all my bowel... 

Wai han said she coming because she is free and she told me I am in labour already!! 

23 Sep 2013

12.08am - Wai Han reached my house.. and we start chit chatting and laughing all the way.. 

3am - hubby wake up and we decided to go to hospital.. my surges is actually building up to every 3-4 min once.. and is quite strong one.. and Also got some show too.. 

(a big hug to hubby.. finally the day has come!!)

3.20am - reach hospital.. being strap down again to do CTG.. and my surges all gone.. it slow down!!! 

Then I have lost count of timing.. They insisted want me to do a VE and I was already 5-6cm dilated.. then they left us alone.. and said if I want to go inside the water I have to do another round of CTG and also I need to wait the consent letter to be sign by doctor!! 

Again another round of CTG??? after the round 1 CTG.. it takes sometimes for my surges to be build up again.. I keep walking and swinging.. and enjoying each surges I had.. It give me pleasure in fact those surges.. 
(trying out other position for the surges.. other than squatting.. the hip compress give much more pleasure during these surges..)

Then we decided to try if I can squat in the water for 1-2 surges.. and yes it really has less impact and the surges are more comfortable and more relax after emerge in the water.. 

(testing out!!)

The nurse came in.. and insist me to do another round of CTG!!! I don't wish my surges and labour to be slowed down again and I request to sit and do the CTG instead of lying on the bed.. but then baby is moving a lot and the trace of the heartbeat become intermittent.. and the nurse are not here to monitor it.. and they left us alone for quite sometimes even though told me just 10 or 20 min monitoring!! I become very tired and angry and feel really sad for my baby Zoe.. because of the stupid CTG my surges is again slowed down!!! my hubby even got argument with nurses and said we don't want anymore CTG!!! at the moment I almost break down.. and I don't want to have these argument and I agreed to lying down to do a 10 min CTG!! and yes its really slow down my surges!! I have to rebuild the momentum all over again!!!! I forgot what time is that already!!!

(the 10 min CTG)

It was morning already.. they still asking me to out of water to do CTG!! I am tired.. I really tired.. and I feel so sad and sorry for baby Zoe.. and Wai Han has to left because she has to take care her kids.. I instantly cried!! I feel helpless again!!

(I cried and have a big hug with Wai Han before she leaves.. before she leaves she keep asking me to take a rest.. she worried I will be too tired.. and ask me to relax more!!)

 the light touch massage can give me relax more between surges..
 eating some porridge.. I need some energy from food.. 
 enjoying the surges inside the water.. trying on different position that the nurse suggested.. 

still can smile at camera.. :) 

9.30am Very strong surge and the pushing urge is very strong.. I just let what my body want me to do.. and then I had water bag burst!! and when the water bag burst I had an orgasm!! It was really HIGH!! :P and then later again another surges and again I had another shiok Orgasm!! and some water flow out too.. 
(the orgasm surges!!!) :) 

10am - Just did a VE and I was 8cm dilated and the VE made me so painful!! Doctor came in and tell me either I wait or he suggest to induce to made the surges stronger so it may dilate faster.. I got no energy to answer him at all.. I have gone so far and now I am already 8cm.. now only induce?? deep inside me got two voices.. first, just go induce and let it over faster.. another is you already waited so long and come thus far.. why not just wait a bit longer on your own?? I just keep quiet and no answer.. cause I also don't know what to answer.. 

11.15am - white flag up!! I want to surrender!! I got no energy already!! the whole body is very tired and don't even have energy to lift up my hand.. in my mind. keep thinking pls just help me vacuum out my baby.. I want it to be over faster.. Wai Han ask me to float in the water and just let my body and baby to do the works.. ask me to relax and take a rest!! 

I listened to her words.. And I float in the water.. and I fall asleep!! how long I sleep I didn't know.. just wake up in between the surges.. I wanna cried dy.. and I cried.. can't remember very clearly.. 

Nurses are now suspecting that my baby is posterior that's causing me having great sourness / soreness sensation at the back.. those are really beyond my imagination and beyond the sensation I can handle.. it was not painful.. but its sourness and sourness that I can't tahan.. really can't tahan..

What is posterior baby/birth? 
"When a baby is head-down but facing your abdomen, she's said to be in the occiput posterior (OP) position – or posterior position, for short. The term refers to the fact that the back of your baby's skull (the occipital bone) is in the back (or posterior) of your pelvis.
You may also hear this position referred to as "face-up" or "sunny-side up."" - Babycenter.com
.. for more information about this you may read below link.. 
http://www.babycenter.com/0_posterior-position_1454005.bc?page=2#articlesection4
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/a544493/getting-your-baby-into-position-for-birth

I continue to sleep and float in the water for don't know how long... until the nurse said I am having fever and asked me to come our from water.. because the warm water may make my fever worst!! I had no energy to argue anymore.. I just followed whatever they want me to do.. 

I called Wai Han and tell her.. She suggest me to do Polar Bear position so baby can have space to turn over.. I did it for 3 surges.. but I am really wear out already.. I don't have energy at all to sustain the position... then I was lying on the bed.. trying to breath through every surges.. and also "ter"fall asleep in between surges.. 

3.00pm - 9cm dilated finally.. its takes hours to have so little progress.. the sensation is too much for me to handle.. I moan and shout through each surges... that's the only relief I can have.. and lucky I had my hubby with me to help me to compress a bit my back to help to reduce a little bit of the soreness /sourness feeling.. but its still way too much for me :( 

I feel I want to induce.. But in my mind I am still very clear.. if I induce meaning the surges and sensation will be even stronger.. and there is no guaranteed my baby will turn over from an OP position to an OA position. The chances of me ding ng soon and c sec might be even higher!!

but the sensation of the back is really killing me.. I start to talking all sort of nonsense.. I even asked my hubby just use a stick to whack me to faint!! I had enough!! I start asking for pain killer... I want pain killer!! please numb me NOW!! I want Epidural.. I want c sec... I want all sort of things.. The mid wife and nurses keep encouraging me.. saying I have come this far.. already 9cm.. a little bit more to go then baby is coming to me.. ask me to to stay strong... and at most they only give me laughing gas.. ask me to breath and breath through the surges.. but it doesn't really help to reduce any of those irritating sensation at my back!!! and at this point of time they told me doctor was in operation theater doing an operation he can't come and attend to me now.. I have to wait for 1 hours ++.. I am too tired and I fall asleep in between surges.. my sky suddenly turn grey.. why when I need you and you are away???? 



I don't know how much time have passing.. And the surges are getting stronger and stronger.. I request and request for VE.. I can't wait anymore.. I want to get this over!! who can help me??? hubby is all the way at my side.. he give me a lot of comfort and protecting me from all my nonsense request.. he is my soul and only hope at that time.. I can't imagine if I don't have him at my side at that moment.. He said I start getting inpatient.. yeah I already inpatient for sometimes.. Then I asked again for VE.. finally the nurse did a VE for me.. and said yes I have fully dilated.. and they called and check with doctors.. and told me doctor will be here in 10 min time.. and asking them to setup and get ready the vacuum and all.. and allowed me to push with urge.. So I was breathing + pushing for don't know how many surges.. It is really killing me.. and I am totally drain and wear out.. I "ter"fall of asleep in between the surges.. when the next surges came I wake up and keep asking "why 10 min is so long??" "where is doctor?" .. then they told me 5 mins to go.. doctor need to come up from level 1 and he need to changed etc.. the next surges came I scolded doctor "王八蛋 doctor why his 5 mins so long??" "Where the hell is the doctor??" (ok this is the rudest word I used normally!! :P) I continue fall asleep in between surges.. then suddenly I saw doctor came in.. And I said "doctor please help me faster!! I can't stand anymore!".. Doctor did a VE and confirmed baby is posterior.. and I am asking just help me to get the baby out pls.. he told me he can't perform vacuum as he think is not possible.. He told me he will perform a gentle forceps.. and if not successful then have to emergency c-sec!! He want me to help him he said "Yvonne, I want you to breath hold your breath and push!!" yeah I know, not I don't want to push.. I really got not much energy to do so!! I tried my best to do so.. really trying and using all my energy left to push.. and suddenly I feel baby come out .. doctor keep talking to me saying congratulation.. tell me baby is out.. and next I feel the baby body is out too.. she was placed on my chest.. and doctor keep saying positive words.. and tell me to concentrate on my baby.. And I felt relief... and I know doctor sewing me for quite sometimes.. Finally over!! and my baby is really healthy.. she is so cute.. I can see she got double eyes lid.. I can see her eyes lashes.. oh yes!! finally got one look alike me more?? 

the final few pushing.. 

 (finally I see her)
My little baby Zoe.. finally you are out?? you want to see mummy right away when you are out is it? that's why you are posterior?? 

I feel relief finally meeting my baby Zoe.. she chosen her own timing.. and I manage a drug free birth!! I still enjoyed very much of my birth this round.. I had 3 times orgasm during the surges... and the surges are shiok shiok to me for the beginning until before I am wear out.. I had overcome my fear to wait.. I have so much faith that my baby is doing ok inside me.. she is so strong.. But, I didn't expected that this birth is so much difficult and long hours.. I wondering what God's plan on me for this? What is the message He want me to learn? It is not an easy birth.. at points that I already give up! But I am happy I managed to go through it even though is not totally a gentle birth.. but I had already tried my best for it...

I feel everything is fated and God has HIS planned for everything.. The minutes I give up.. doctor was not available.. then when i fully dilated doctor allow me me push.. when he was here then the baby is low enough for him to perform forceps.. and baby is born safely.. and I avoided drugs.. and c-sec!!

mummy wishes Baby Zoe growth up healthy and happy.. 

Acknowledgement

I have to thanks you for everyone who support me through out my labour.. specially my hubby and Wai Han.. 

To my hubby: Thanks for supporting me all the way..  thanks for standing by my side and giving me all the moral & spiritual support... thanks for being there for me when I needed your hand to hold on to.. Thanks for worrying for me.. I really feel so much loves from you through this birth!! it reassured me again on our married vows.. you will be there no matter sick or healthy.. no matter poor or rich.. Thanks DaDa.. I love you!! 

To Wai Han: Thanks for having me to attend your class.. thanks for your support and chatting through out the past few weeks.. Thanks for being here with me during my birth.. Thanks for letting me know that my Still Birth is not my body fault ... is the baby choices to leave.. Thanks for the calmness you given me.. It is so soothing and calm to have you around during my birth.. Thanks really Thanks a lot!! 

To Doctor Paul Ng: Sorry that I scolded you while you are away! And Thanks for supporting me all the way till the end.. Thanks for honouring my birth plan and my wishes.. Thanks for your details explanation on each of the procedure.. Thanks for accommodating and respecting my requests..   Thanks for the Gentle Forceps.. it is really a gentle one.. as there is no much marks on my baby.. Sorry for giving you more grey hair because I decided to wait and wait.. You are a great doctor!! 

To all the nurse and mid wife: whom support me through the process.. whom keep encouraging me and telling me I can do it.. and its wasted all my effort since I already waited so long 8cm/9cm.. and keep me away from the drugs and c section. Thank you.. 

Thanks to all my friends who worried about me.. Verance, Elaine, Happi Mummies gang, and so on.. 

5 comments:

suechin tee said...

看完这一篇,现在的我已经泪流满面,打从心里佩服你!你的坚持,勇气,真的震撼了我!!
伟大的你,祝福你!!

Salma Tayo said...

your story really touched me. i hope i can be as strong as you for my next baby. thanks for telling us your experience.

Yasmine Ow said...

Thanks for sharing your experience. You've done a great job. You are a great mom and your children are very lucky to have a strong and brave mom. Congrats to you and your family.

Dd said...

Beautiful birth story and i love all the pictures here... Great mom and woman you are!

Joyous said...

Congratulations! Well done!

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