Monday, October 19, 2009

Postnatal Emotional Vs. Postnatal Depression (a real story)

I had experienced both the "postnatal emotional" and "postnatal depression" over the past 17th days of my confinement... seem like I really gone through many things during my confinement.. but I think all is good things now.. so, I want to share with all my friends and future or current mama who still want to give birth in future.. before I never experienced depression “忧郁症”.. so, I though just like everyone else.. the emotional is so called depression.. I can clearly tell you now it is NOT.. I will explain later what is the different between "postnatal emotional" and "Postnatal depression".. so, most of the people.. you are just experience the so call "postnatal emotional" only... it is not "postnatal depression"..

I though it is very normal for my situation in the first few days.. because I always heard that after delivery the memory will become worst and is very emotional and can cry easily.. but it seem getting worse and worst day by day.. it make me start to really worry about it.. so, I did called up a few friends of mine to get some assurance... I want to make reference and make sure myself is alright.. is alright.. I remembered I asked them how long this syndrome will last??... but, now I realized most of the people thought what they experienced the "postnatal depression" but in actual fact it is just "postnatal emotional".. so, now I can clearly tell everyone here.. what you had experience is very mild and your forgetful is also very minimal.. It is just postnatal emotional swing!!! Nothing big deal!!! so, don't worry up yourself.. it will slowly recovered for sure!!!

Postnatal Emotional
Ok, now.. let me tell you what is "postnatal emotional".. women will have all kind of feeling after delivery.. which is quite complicated.. Happy - finally see the lovely cute babies in front the eyes.. Stress - specially first time mother caused of the inexperience of taking care the baby.. tired & exhausted - normal lah after delivery.. tension; helpless; worries - specially when baby is crying and you don't know why he/she is crying about and what he/she want.. and many things is uncontrolled which make the emotional inside the mother's heart even more complicated.. many more others.. can't just explain all here.. then you will say me too long winded!!! haha... so.. to all hubby and papa here.. please be gentle to your wife specially during confinement and don;t use your own thinking to judge what she should be and not to be., ok?? just do whatever she asked too.. please bear with her just for one month!!! this will help a lot!!! due to the physical condition.. can say is the worst in all her life.. so normally after delivery the mother will have full body pain.. the feeling of "no choice but to trouble others.. but she actually don't wish to dssturb your sleep (specially hubby) etc..." with all the above combination, the mother is now most vulnerable and easily get upset.. she will be most sensitive to your reaction towards her.. even facial expression, tone of voice, words.. and she will be most sensitive towards the hubby.. so all hubby.. please treat your wife the best during confinement in all way possible yeah!! for example, just little things or tone of voice of husband is bad then can just cry.. meaning you know why you are crying!! what you upset about!! so this is called "postnatal emotional".. it means cry with reason and get upset very easily.. in my case, I did experienced a few times of "postnatal emotional" crying, which caused by my husband.. which actually I can really "tahan" before this.. and I also not those "
爱哭包" type of person.. so if this happened before confinement and it is for sure nothing to me and can just bear with it.. but because I am in postnatal stage.. I become totally another person and very fragile and sensitive to everything!!!.. maybe is hormone changes and many other factors.. which I am not really clear off.. but I am very sure it is psychology issue here..

Tell you one example here... remember I told you that my hand was "cacat" due to the manual pull out Madela Breast Pump?? At the night.... I can't move and I got no energy at all to pull the pump myself.. it was 2am in the morning.. and my breast was in pain because my milk supply a lot (hehe!!) I must express the milk out.. but, I was really helpless... I feel sad to trouble my confinement lady.. yet, I don't wish to disturb my husband sleep.. yet I can't rest at all because of the breast milk is fulled!!! So, I got no choice but to go to my husband to ask for help.. "the only source of comfort" also "whom most close to you".. so, when I wake him up.. his facial expression was like very tired and don't support and said "what la.. I am very tired!! I want to sleep!!!" Just this sentence with his facial expression turn on my "crying" machine.. very big "air paip" and it was non stop crying for the whole pumping session.. it is about half an hour.. I felt bad.. not that I want to disturb you.. I really helpless and I have only you to help me.. also, I feel I pained the whole body.. I do so much to deliver my/your baby.. now ask you for little help, yet you are not supporting and complaining about it.. all the negative feeling come out automatically.. and tears dropped automatically too.. if this happened before delivery.. for sure I won't cry.. it mean i become very "sensitive"..

As a conclusion, "Postnatal Emotional" is crying with reason.. upset with reason... you are very clear why you are crying and what you upset about.. thus, for those mama to be.. please talk to you hubby before hand and ask him to give all the support he can during confinement months.. specially the first two weeks.. the "Postnatal Emotional" is avoidable!!! to all papa to be... please.. please.. please.. just two weeks you become super "good" person only!!! haha...

Postnatal Depression
Ok.. this I will go straight to my own case.. so you all know what's the different between "Postnatal Emotional" and "Postnatal Depression".. They Key to Postnatal Depression is "even myself also don't know I am having Postnatal Depression.. I thought my memory lost and all things happened to me is normal as everyone telling that memory will become bad and etc.. this is quite dangerous I think.. if you don't really know the subject matter.. better don't comments and give opinions, better asked your friends to seek doctor or professional advise.. but, is very difficult too.. coz even the people around you also don't know what's wrong with you!! so scary!!! Ok.. I can now tell you my situation can say is up to I totally lost control about my behavior.. verbally and non-verbally.. the situation is getting worse day by day.. little by little.. and you don't even realized!! It is the sickness inside your heart or subconscious mind .. thus, you won't realized what happened and what's wrong with yourself.. although lost control about all the abilities.. but inside you.. you have a very clear mind.. so imagine.. inside yourself is super clear... but outside what you say and do is all out of control or is not the same as what you want to do!! is it very scary?? YES!! It is super worry for me at that time..

1. Lose of verbal communications abilities – this quite simple to explain.. What I want to tell inside my mind or my heart is different from what I actually speak out!!! Example: I want to tell I am in pain to my hubby.. But I speak “baby is pain”.. then I realized.. why I said that??? Then I try to speak again but still wrong.. I spoke “papa is pain”.. oh my GOD!! I was a bit worry that time already.. I clearly know I want to tell “mama is pain”.. so, I try again.. then only I speak the correct things.. there are many other examples… but I worry you think I am too long winded.. hehe!!

2. Lose of non-verbal communications abilities/out of control about own behaviors – example 1: Do things slower and slower - if you know me well.. I do things super fast one.. eg: bath (normally maximum took me 5-10 mins - but when I was sick.. one hours also don't know what I did inside.. some more is just "lap lap" body only.. Another example, on the 10th day night, we want to go to clinic to see my gyane for my sickness.. Normally, I sit in front in my dada's car.. but I went opened the back door and I want to get up.. then my dada asked me why you don't want sit in front.. this make me worry again.. oh yeah hor.. why leh???? example 3: whatever things on my hand will just drop on the floor.. “拿东西;打烂东西”... example: I broke my glass inside the toilet for brush teeth one.. also many times I just accidently pure out the milk I so hardly expressed!!.. even small tiny pills also I can drops on the floor.. and you know normally I can use one hand to typed sms very fast even while driving without looking at the keypad.. but that time I keep pressed the wrong button and many other examples.. in short, I can’t control my behavior at all.. I think these enough to show you how serious is my sickness right? This is also still mile.. haha not yet start yet!!!

3. Memory lost - I can say I am those superb good memory even those other’s people email not relevant to me just cc’ed to me.. I can just remembered even ppl ask about it.. but, this time really make me really worry.. I almost total lost my memory.. eg: my hk colleague called me ask something.. I total blank.. even I try very hard to think also cannot recall at all.. example 2. if you know me well.. I like to sing karaoke a lot.. I can just sing nonstop for hours.. but for the first 11th day of my confinement.. I only remembered "two little tigers" "
两只老虎!"... "ABCD" song also cannot remembered!!! all is just blanked!!! I thought I was normal at the beginning.. but until I realized I can't even recognized people whom I see every week or very closed to me.. first I can’t recognized my "my cousin" on the 7th day evening... I came down from upstairs.. I saw there is a lady sitting at the dining table.. and she said "Hi" to me.. I also respond and said "Hi" while I slowly walking down.. then I walk closely until in front of her... then, I don't know who is she.. and I asked her "who are you??" and actually she is my cousin whom I see her quite frequently.. and whom I see her since she was just a little babies.. another incident happened the next morning.. Is to my maid.. whom already come every Saturday for more than a year.. when she came.. without thinking I bring her to kitchen.. told her what to wash etc.. after finished.. I stared at her and curiously asked her.. "are you the same maid who came every week??" then she answered me "yes lah".. then I still have doubts and I asked "have you change your hair style or what.. she replied "Not lah.. I didn't change anything!!!".. many other things.. can't just tell out everything here.. OK, now do you think I was really seriously in deep shit/ depression??? everything happened without my knowledge and only after happened few times only I realized and then I will worry WHAT WRONG WITH ME???

5. Physical changes - full body pain.. even I don't really do any exercise on those part.. very serious water retention on my face.. and many other physical constrained that suddenly all out.. that time I still though it is normal.. as after delivery normally will pain here and there.. but, in fact it wasn't.. because right after delivery I don't have any body pain..

I think basically on the above can show you how serious am I right?? haha.. actually not yet... It is just the beginning or can say just mild or medium depression... and the effect on the depression.. I really don't know what wrong and why.. All I realized only after I am totally recovered.. and the situation is getting worsen day by day one... not start from day 1 then become this serious..

Actually, I think I am having prenatal depression and postnatal depression.. Why suddenly become so serious?? All just because of one sentence of my mother in law.. My mother in law is soft talking.. things she did I know is she want me to be good.. but, I just can’t accept it in anyway.. also, some of her thinking and her way of doing things.. I just can’t accept.. and she is very nagging.. her nagging also is her character.. So, I am a bad daughter in law.. all these while.. if I not happy about her.. I did called friends to complaint about her.. I though after complaint I will be fine and feeling better.. who know it is all keep inside my heart without my knowledge.. and I don’t know it is actually so big influence within myself…

My deep depression start of with just a sentence of my mother in law.. she told me she will come up to KL to help me after 28 days on the 9th day night because she is leaving back to kluang on the 10th day.. she told me after my confinement lady is left, she want to come up here to help me.. I know she want to help me is good and concern about me… but, many things you won’t understand.. and I can’t explain here.. and I think is not important to explain here now.. Now, if you ask me why I know this is the sentence which triggers my deep depression??? I can tell you I realized it only after I recovered… and some people said what is your dream is what you really worry and concern about in your subconscious mind.. ok, now tell you how I find out.. I knew it through my dream.. on the 9th day night.. I dream of my confinement lady stand next to my bed.. with anger face and told me she want to leave and go back already... cause she cannot stand my mother in law.. inside the dream I cried loudly and nonstop.. and I was really crying while I was sleeping and until my whole pillow is wet.. after I recovered then I think back only I realized this fear actually start since I am pregnant early this year!! why?? Caused, I myself also cannot accept her style.. how can I expect other people to accept leh?? furthermore, she was here for 10 days and I have stress out for 10 days while she was here.. also, I heard too much about the bad experience about mother in law and the confinement lady from friends.. Plus, my confinement lady that I hired this time is superb good.. so, I even more worry she will leave just because of my mother in law.. silly me hor?? But, in fact if my mother in law want to stay here for whole month.. I think my confinement lady will really run away!!! when wake up at mid night.. I realized I was crying because of my stupid dreams just now.. I thought it was just a dream.. so don't really care about it.. who know the next morning when I woke up... I start crying nonstop and is like big air paip flowing.. tears drops nonstop.. I also dont know what's wrong with myself.. I cried the whole day.. even my friend come visit me I also still crying.. I can't stopped.. he even talk joke.. I am laughing while I am crying.. huh!! sound so sophisticated right?? I only stopped for 2 hours.. caused my friend bring her daughter to my house for photo shooting session.. after they left my engine start back!!! I really don't know why I am crying.. I want to stopped but can't.. Also, I don't know why I am crying.. so that day I was really worry about myself.. and what's wrong with me????

on the 10th day night, we rush off to my gyane.. when I was there.. I can't expressed myself at all... all things just inside my heart and I know exactly what's wrong with me but I not able to tell.. so I think doctor until now still think I am just Postnatal Emotional.. he said I worry about baby.. I am clear inside my heart that I am not worried about my baby.. YES, I Do Worry!! but, only on the first 3 days.. day 1.. due to the bad experience I had for my last baby.. When my baby is next to me when I still was in the hospital.. I can't rest at all.. and keep an eyes on him.. because I worried that he might have problem... sigh!! very negative thinking lah.. but, after I asked the nursery nurse to bring my baby to nursery then I can rest and sleep well.. cause I know there is nurses taking care and look after my baby.. then day 2 and 3.. after discharged from hospital.. I worry about the confinement lady.. I not sure whether auntie is good or not.. so I don't rest well too.. I keep observed what auntie is doing at night!! After, I had gained the trust.. then I can sleep very well.. and I don't have any sleeping problems.. okok.. back to doctor.. he said I worry about my baby due to my bad experience for last pregnancy.. and said because I have not enough sleepand want to give me sleeping pill and told me if I sleep for two days then I will be fine... (I was crying really loudly in the clinic..until doctor said.. don’t cry anymore.. I got no more tissue for you lah!! hahaha) I only can tell doc NO NO NO!!! that time, my hubby also next to me.. and keep use his own thinking to applied on me too.. said I not enough sleep.. and I do a lot of things.. that why I become like this.. But, I am very clear that it is not where the problem is.. then doctor.. keep ask me why.. I don't know why out of sudden I shout out is because of my "mother in law" because she said "she want to come to KL again after full moon" and lucky that when I shout that out.. my hubby said a correct sentence which cue my sickness.. he said "don't worry!! I already told my mother not to come after full moon”... from here.. you know how fear I have towards my mother in law.. not that she is not good.. but I just can't accept her character at all.. "how bad is this daughter in law!!" haha..

How I realized I am recovered?? Next day (11th day), when I woke up.. I no more crying.. and my whole body pain is gone.. and I can talk to myself without problems.. which I can really feel myself that I am fine already.. as usual, I need to do morning feed my baby.. so I tried to think negative about my first baby to see I really recovered or not.. and I can’t even squeeze out even one tears.. why I do that? Cause on the 10th day which I was really serious.. I will just hug my baby and I cried very pity and thinking about my first baby.. then, I can really tell I am recovered and I have no problems at all.. and now I can sing “我想哭。。但是哭不出来”.. then all my others problems are recovery in days.. like my memory.. my slow motion.. my verbal and non verbal problems..

So, as a conclusion.. after I typed so long.. I just want to let you all know the differences.. and if your friend have some similar problems.. please ask them to seek doctor or professionalgot advise rather than you giving your own opinion based on your limited knowledge.. which is quite dangerous.. if is not seek medication or counseling on time.. I can say if my hubby not said the right sentence which really cure my worries deep inside my heart.. my situation will just get worse and worse and until I really become crazy!! Jadi orang GILA!!!

Also.. to all hubby and papa to be… both “Postnatal Emotional” and “Postnatal Depression” is avoidable.. just remove all the negative influence from your wife just for one month or two only.. please treat your wife the best you can.. and when come to situation like mine.. you need to stand at your wife side and be the bad guy and support your wife.. this is the time she need you the most!!! So, you really play a very important role during the confinement / postnatal period!!!


Unknown said...

so long story ..... take care, we need you to back to our family....

Kelly Koh said...

Please read this,

Anonymous said...

found ur blog from
sorry to hear your story, but u have made me aware the differences between postnatal emotional depression... thank you!

Anonymous said...

Found your blog when I try to google recom. for doctor in post natal depression. Thank you for your sharing and it's gave a very clear explaination on Postnatal Emotional and Postnatal Depression.

I would like to seek your help to recom. a doctor who is good in treating postnotal depression for my sis in law who is suffering of it now. She cann't sleep at all for 4 nites. Many Thanks in advanced.

YvOnNe Fong said...

I also not very sure about any good doctor for the depression.. can't help much.. sorry.

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Unknown said...

hi yvonne,

I have the MIL-attack too!
truly know how you feel. Thank God I survived from my confinement!


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